Cogito: The Hard Living Quiz, part two

Cogito

THE HARD LIVING QUIZ PART TWO -- FILL IN THE BLANKS
1) The four food groups are __________ _________ __________ _________
[-4 for each of the groups you get right, +3 for each of the following: beer, beef, liquor, coffee, cigarettes, {illegal drug of choice}, Pop Tarts (tm), +10 for answering only one of the afformentioned categories, -1 for any other answer.]

2) ______ smoke.
[-3 for "I'd never", +1 for "I'd rather be having a", +4 for leaving it blank and converting the "." to a "!"]

3) Meat should be _______.
[-8 for "avoided", -2 for "eaten in moderation", -1 for quoting the "Safe Meat Handling Tips" from the package, +1 for "charred to a crisp", +1 for "cheap", +8 for "scraped to remove the blue stuff on it before cooking"]

4) Police are _______.
[-4 for "my friends", +2 for "the end of many a good party", +5 for "a good way to get the drunks out of my house"]

5) The proper response to a drunk person saying "uhrurhga ughrn urhgk" is _______.
[-2 for "step out of his way and ignore him", +4 for "I'm not sure, but what are you drinking", +6 for "down the hall and to the left, and fast!"]

6) The best beer is ______.
[+2 for "free", +1 for "cheap", +1 for "cold", +2 for "preferably not flat", +3 for each if more than one was selected]

7) Tofu is ______.
a) the main staple of my diet [-8]
b) something I've had on occasion [-2]
c) some kind of fungus or something [+6]

SCORING

34 and below. You have entirely too much time to spend to keep so current on healthy living trends. Get out a bit more. Enjoy life. Do you really want to be eating more oat bran at 112? Go suck down a few Big Macs, get out of the house, and set fire to your NordicTrak

35-68. Well, at least you're not one of those people who'se friends are embarrassed when you throw broccoli on the BBQ. Still, however, you are living a bit too healthily. Go out and get yourself some Fruit Loops, throw away the Cheerios. Skip going to the gym a few times. Buy a bottle of Jack Daniels and drink it all yourself. See, isn't that better?

69-102. Well, howdy friend. Definitely our kind of people. We'd be honored to come over for a party. Dude, lets rage.

103 and above. Whoa there pilgrim. We've heard of "live hard, die young", but the last part of that is "leave a pretty corpse." Ever see Lou Reed recently? Mick Jagger? There's having a good time, and then there's you. Maybe you should consult the phone book under "Substance Abuse". Slow down, smell the roses, don't smell like a bar floor.

[THINK SOME MORE]