I live in central California in the middling-sized town of Sacramento. Population here out in the County is about 1 million people all told. Not the kind of place where you'd hear a lot of "aboot" or "oots" or "sore-rey"s. Good American people here, by God. So you can imagine my amazement when I found the following sticker had been affixed to my new green recycling container:
And what is that on the left there? Why, that looks pretty suspiciously like a maple leaf, doesn't it? Now, that's curious since this town has remarkably few maples. In fact, its known primarily for its magnificent elm trees and magnolia bushes. So why, then, the maple leaf? Why not a tree? Or perhaps a flower?
I think we all know the real reason, don't we? They are behind it. Guaranteed. The matter so incensed me that I wrote to the folks in charge of this bullshit:
XXXX Golden Eagle Way
Sacramento, CA 95827
25 October, 1999
Sacramento Country Waste Management And Recycling Division
9850 GOETHE ROAD
SACRAMENTO, CA 95827
Dear Sir or Madam:
Recently our county adopted yard waste or "green waste" recycling services. As part of this effort the old garbage cans were labeled with a green sticker indicating their new purpose. What concerns me is the logo used by the county for this purpose: a large maple leaf.
As you may know, the maple leaf is the symbol of our northern neighbors, the Canadians. What you may not know is that currently Canada is the only nation with whom we have a territorial dispute. Matters have gotten so desperate in the Pacific Northwest that Canadian fishermen have actually taken to blockading hardworking American fishermen from returning to port on more than one occasion, threatening to ram their vessels rather than to let them pass. For all their cultivation of a wholesome, gentle image, their actions more than belie their true natures.
Additionally, perhaps you have, on occasion, noticed a Canadian coin or two in your change. Did you know that Canadian currency is worth less than our own but their coinage is virtually indistinguishable in quick transactions? While this is a small amount lost by each person, how much do you think is lost annually by this sort of alien currency influx? I'm sure it adds up to more than just a few pennies. And have you ever noticed that while their nation is roughly two-thirds the size of our own state, they hold a disturbingly disproportionate number of jobs in the entertainment industry?
Far from being kind, gentle people from the north, Canadians represent a very real cultural and economic threat to our very way of life. It is for this reason that I strongly urge your department and the county to do away with the maple leaf on their containers and replace it with a symbol that is more appropriate; perhaps the California Poppy or an elm leaf such as the ones that adorn thousands of trees throughout Sacramento.
Thank you and God Bless America.
Sincerely,
Bill Pollock
Unfortunately I lost the original letter in a recent move so I can't show you the exact response, but it was a hand-written addendum to the original letter to the effect that they would "take it into consideration" when they ordered stickers next time around. Sure, likely story.