Jeeze Louise! You'd think that all the canucks ever did was compose email! It would tend to explain a few things, though...
At first, I thought: great! A jingoistic American like myself, but then I begain to wonder...
From: MrSciJr
Date: Mon, 24 May 1999 21:07:24 EDT
Subject: Canada Sucks!
All Canada is good for is kissing America's ass. We could wipe them off the face of the earth, and then send in our armed forces. Canada is a country based on beer. Half the time they're drunk. Then they give the drunks big rocks and put them on ice and call it "curling". Even they're hockey stinks. They think their maple leafs can even come close to our Sabres? yeah, right, okay. And the CFL?- puny and wimpy- made for the gays and homo's. Canada is full of strokes, eh!!!!!!!!
-Sabres fan
From the "Damned if you do, damned if you don't...and exactly who is the idiot?"
Date: Sun, 30 May 1999 00:19:53 -0400
From: Adam -------
Subject: Confusion
Just found your site on Yahoo and have one question... is this serious? I mean, you're either just putting together a satire, or you're for real... in the former case, you're weird but that OK... in the latter you're an idiot but of course that's OK too. Just asking.
Better late than never...though it took ten minutes to come to this realization (musta been a Canadian).
Date: Sun, 30 May 1999 00:29:39 -0400
From: Adam -------
Subject: Never mind
OK, check that... I just saw the disclaimer at the bottom of the page. Question answered. I guess I'm the idiot after all.
I'm not sure what's odder--the fact that the spelling of his name kept changing (the address was the same) or the question...
From: "jeeff -------"
Subject: A question.
Date: Tue, 01 Jun 1999 17:03:13 EDT
Where is California, eh???
When he got back to us, I'm not sure his learning experience was all that it could be.
From: "geeff bungerboy"
Subject: California
Date: Wed, 02 Jun 1999 10:10:07 EDT
I looked in the atlas and saw that California is on the west coast of Mexico, eh. It looks a lot like a penis. How come you Mexicans care so much aboot Canada anyway, eh?? Don't you have your own problems like how to deal with those stoopid Americans??
Anyway - gotta go cuz there is a hockey game on TV on CBC ("C"anada's "B"est "C"hannel) and I've got to warm up the television. (It is frozen, eh!)
It's a good thing that I'm such an even-keeled dude. If I weren't, this would be the email that would send me to the border packing the assault rifle. It was one of those goddamn Microsoft bastardized emails with all sorts of characters in 'em, contained smileys, and was from a person with a sexually ambiguous name (I'll just refer to her as a her, 'cause if I'm wrong, they'll really be steamed and the "stationary" was kinda frilly). What's the deal with the smiley, anyways? Is she really, really fat and those are her chins, or what? And isn't it supposed to be "humour"?
From: "Dana"
Date: Fri, 18 Jun 1999 10:15:20 -0500
Subject: None
As to the comment that Canucks will not get it I would say that is quite to the contrary. I found this page rather amusing. People from this country have quite a sense of humor, as I am sure you can tell from some of the wonderful comedians we have produced. I don't think I need to bother naming them, I'm sure you know who I mean. Have a great day. :))))
Signed,
A Very Proud Canadian
I began to wonder, was June 18th "Very Proud Canadian" day? What the hell was going on here? And why the fuck can't they understand that I don't really give a rat's ass about Superman. To his/her credit, though, they did spell "humour" correctly--for them, anyways.
From: "Jeff & Andrea"
Subject: Anti-Canadian
Date: Fri, 18 Jun 1999 08:32:27 -0500
Hello there. I am a Canadian and I had to write this letter to you. First off, you suggest that we are trying to steal your sport of football when in fact, football was created in Canada at McGill University, Montreal with the first official game being McGill against Harvard and well, we Canadians know who won. (hehe). Second, Superman is Canadian also. I hate to keep mentioning these things to you (yeah, right). All Canadians don't hate Americans, we feel for you as you don't get to enjoy alot of life's pleasures as we do i.e. Socialized Health Care. I understand that your page is for comedic purposes only and we thank you for it. We do have a great sense of humour in this country which is why you guys love our fellow Canadians so much i.e. John Candy, Mike Myers, Leslie Neilson, Norm MacDonald, Tim Foley and the list goes on. We can laugh with you. This is an example of our great personalities. But I wonder, why is it that there are more Americans who wish to be Canadian than there are Canadians wanting to be American?? And at least when we do "migrate" to the US and obtain a citizenship from there, Canada will allow us to come home and still will consider us to be Canadian, unlike the US who does not recognize any other citizenship. They will lose their citizenship if they try to obtain one from another country. Sounds a little juvenile to me, "if you won't stay and play in OUR country, then we don't want you anymore!! BooHoo!!". You can take your shots at us, go ahead, we have broad shoulders and can take it. Remember, we invented football!! haha!!
Have a nice day eh??
A VERY Proud Canadian
Hmm, a lot of questionable claims there that I simply didn't have the energy to look up. I did, however, know the answer to one of his questions off the top of my head:
> But I wonder, why is it that there are more Americans who wish to be
> Canadian than there are Canadians wanting to be American??
Um, cause there's like 10 times more of us than there is of you?
N!C
In the "Et tu, brute?" department...
Date: Sat, 19 Jun 1999 19:43:23 -0500
From: aprilmarch
Subject: No! Canada
You do realize that the Canadian World Domination site is a parody, right? Did you not bother to scroll all the way to the bottom of the page? Also, if you're going to insult our neighbors to the north, at least try to come up with some more biting remarks...and please spell them correctly...you're embarrassing us. :-)
I figured what was good for the goose was good for the gander...
> You do realize that the Canadian World Domination site is a parody,
> right? Did you not bother to scroll all the way to the bottom of the
> page?
You do realize that the No! Canada site is a parody, right? Did you not bother to scroll all the way to the bottom of the page?
N!C
Date: Sun, 20 Jun 1999 16:06:33 -0700
From: "Rottingcorpse "
Subject: What the f**k are you talking about!?
I don't know where you're from but, Canada is the best thing to ever happen to this world. Canada is so civilized!
In the U.S,it's legal for someone to shoot a man on your lawn. You call that civilized? And how can you trust your president, when he sleeps around, and lies to the american public? Oh,and please explain to me how we are "To quiet"? And what did you learn that disturbed you so much? By the way, women can only walk around topless in Ontario. But I do admit, it is a bit stupid. The reason why the drinking age in Canada is so low is because, we don't have to worry about our children getting drunk, and killing people. That's because television in Canada is not flooded with pornography,and violence to influence their minds.
I would just like to point out that a goodly chunk of television in Canada is American and that it's only legal to shoot a man if he is on your lawn--taking pot shots at people from your front yard is still a no-no in most counties.
Just when you thought it would end...even more mail!