Date: Wed, 14 Jul 1999 18:11:58 -0400
From: Jonathan -----
Subject: Overly Duncial

Please do not base your opinions on ignorance...Most of the Canadian made Anit-american sites have have seen have factual information on the degeneracy of the america anarchist state...yet the anti-Canadian sites make comments on our mannerisms and the fact that "if america wanted Canada, we could just take it"...first of america has always wanted Canada, we have been invaded roughly six times, each one a failure...Pres. James Polk's official policy was "54' 40 or fight" Meaning that he wished to take all lands up to the 54th parallel...Lincoln bought alaska to squeeze Canada off the west-coast. Face the facts, america has always envied Canada, and have often try to crush our honourable, favourable, and colourful culture. Canada will remain sovreign and continue to mentally and politically battle with your oppresive state.

We don't try to crush you because we envy you. After all, we haven't set up any monuments to roaches, have we?

Date: Wed, 14 Jul 1999 20:20:48 -0400
From: Robert ---------
Subject: CANADA RULZ

u r just jealous of us canadians. why would u make this site if u weren't? oh, i get it. to convince some other fucked up piece of shit like yourself to hate canada, eh? well i'm sorry u goat fucker, but it won't work. u need us. if it wasn't for us, there wouldn't be any usa.
turn us against the french speaking canadians? we already hate each other. quebec wants to seperate! they had a fucking referendum 3 years ago! i have to say, u have some guts, u monkey raper. why would u put your name on the fucking site. u r one fucked up little horse fucker, aren't u? i wouldn't go to the states to see u anyways, but someone else may.

Yeah, like I put my name on every goddamn thing I've written here, and like that would really empower him. Besides, it's sheep, not goats or monkeys or horses (though I understand all are available locally over at UCD). And at least I'm not an uncle fucker...

Hell, this guy really knew where I lived--hell, he sounded a bit like a Canuckian Charlie Bill. Picture me in a tocque and saying "eh" a lot.

Date: Tue, 17 Aug 1999 18:43:54 EDT
From: NFulford
Subject: I'm a Proud Canadian -- No Shit!

If you want to get in a pissing contest there is no better place to start than U.S. beer. You probably all know the joke: "How is U.S. beer like making love in a canoe? Answer: "It's fucking close to water". (Note: Making love in a canoe is a Canadian invention and requires a lot of skill, especially after a few REAL Canadian beers.)

Canadian beer especially such specially created millenial treats as "La Fin du Monde" (9% alcohol), which ironically won a platinum medal at an international beverage contest in Chicago.
Next, speaking of alcohol: Everyone knows that Canadians can drink anybody (except perhaps the odd Russian vodka drinker) under the table. Our women have to pay a premium when going to all-inclusive resorts because they suck back more booze than the French Foreign Legion.

Next, we pay woefully little for our armed forces (who can drink more than anyone could care to contemplate.) And we also know how to take advantage of what may be viewed as an inherently weak position. During the Cold War (1945 - 1989 ) we made a ton of money exporting Canadian snow to both the good Ole U.S. of A. and the U.S.S.R. That kept the war from getting hot (which would have been really bad for us.) And nobody thanked us for it either. Once again this only goes to show how peace-loving and self-sacrificing we are. If we had been really nasty, we would have dynamited the border points, and conscripted an army of puffins, orcas, and salmon to pull Canada out to sea in the South Pacific, so that you and the U.S.S.R could go at it. But no, we are decent folk, and know that the greater good required us to take the tough stand of separating two countries who were intent on nuking everything. (Besides, the resulting nuclear winter would have increased the supply of snow, hence destroying the market for the Canadian product.)

As for Canadian shit, it smells. What good would it be if it didn't. And everyone knows that British Columbia has the meanest bad-assed shit in the world. What we wonder is why everyone (especially Americans) want to smoke it?

Yours Sincerely (from the Great White North, now in depression due to the end of the Cold War)

Nick Fulford

I would put Sierra Nevada's Bigfoot up against any Canuck beer. At 12%, it is legally called "barley wine". Oh, and another NorCal export from Humboldt would go up against BC "shit" any old day of the week.

And then, suddenly, it got quiet. The mail had been coming like gangbusters and then it suddenly stopped. It was enough to make me a little nervous. Right about the time I moved in November of '99, it started back up again with this email from a francophone:

From ericda76@XXXXXX.com Thu Nov 25 12:33:21 1999
Date: Thu, 11 Nov 1999 19:18:59 EST
From: Eric ------- Subject: No!Canada

Monsieur
Madame

Je crois que qu'est-ce que vous disez a propos du Canada est vraiement insultent et que nous les canadiens on pourrait dire la meme chose a propos des americains.
Sincerement,


Eric D'Aoust

Fiers d'etre canadien.

I believe that what you disez [Ed: say] in connection with Canada east vraiement insult [Ed: is very insulting] and which us them Canadian one could say the same thing in connection with the americains.

Sincerely,

Eric D'Aoust

Proud to be candadian.

No sooner than I had gotten that message but another came in (must have been a slow hockey week):

Date: Sat, 13 Nov 1999 10:30:40 CST
From: J------- ---- <t-----@[BIG EVIL HOST DOT COM]>
Subject: Your Canada site

Hey man,

I'd just like to say that I thought your site was pretty funny. I'm a Canadian (from Regina Saskatchewan BTW, and I assure its nothing like you think it is), and I stumbled onto your site by accident, but I'm glad I found it. Even though some things were not 100% right, it's still kind of refreshing to find an American site about Canada that isn't an outright hate site (there are a few of them out there). I think the reason that a few Canadians have taken offence to your site is because we are so used to hearing Americans rant about their superiority that many of us have lost our sense of humor about the whole thing. I personally find it hilarious that you can go down into the states and tell them anything you want about Canada and they will believe it, and I also find it hilarious that some Canadians get so pissed off by this. Who cares. -- Jeff

Jeff was far too happy-go-lucky and hey, it was Thanksgiving and I was thankful that I didn't live in Canada so I decided to give him the business:

Date: Thu, 25 Nov 1999 13:29:47 -0800 (Pacific Standard Time)
To: Jeff--- ----
Subject: Re: Your Canada site


So, what makes you qualified to be _THE_ Jeff and not just simply _A_ Jeff, one amongst many. I thought you Canadians were a bit more humble than that.

> I'd just like to say that I thought your site was pretty funny. I'm a
> Canadian (from Regina Saskatchewan BTW, and I assure its nothing like
> you think it is)

Hmm, lemme guess: cold and filled with Canadians? Am I at least close? And how the hell do you pronounce "Regina", anyways. Is it like the girl's name, "ruh GEE nuh" or more like the girl's part, "ruh GEYE nuh". Hell, I suppose it could be "REH gih nuh", given the fact that y'all live in Saskatchewan. Couldn't you have shortened the name down a bit to like "katche" or maybe "saske" or something? Jesus!

> Even though some things were not 100% right

Ahem, all facts have been painstakingly researched and are _all_ correct.

> , it's still kind of refreshing to find an American site about Canada
> that isn't an outright hate site (there are a few of them out there).

Obviously I am falling quite short of the mark I intended to reach...

> I think the reason that a few Canadians have taken offence to your
> site is because we are so used to hearing Americans rant about their
> superiority that many of us have lost our sense of humor about the
> whole thing.

Not that there was a lot to lose in the first place...

> I personally find it hilarious that you can go down into the states
> and tell them anything you want about Canada and they will believe it,

That just proves the gullibility of Canadians in believing that the Americans believe it. You think we actually fall for that shite that you try to dump on us? Perhaps your experience is with those near your borders. We, like many nations, dump our most undesireable people in those places that no one would want to live in voluntarily. The northern mid-west is our Siberia. It's cold, it's flat, and its too damned close to the border for anyone in their right mind.

> and I also find it hilarious that some Canadians get so pissed off by
> this. Who cares. -- Jeff

Goddamn! I got so much mail there for a while that some slipped through the cracks.