Those Canucks are evil bastards, I tell you. They wait 'til right around the time that you've got a lot of other things going and then deluge you with mail--especially when your inbox is backlogged with Canadian mail to start with. Anywho, Lisa the Canadian moved back down to Los Angeles, so I suppose I'll dedicate this page to her since I can't piss her off in meatspace any longer.
Subject: Watch Out
Date: Wed, 3 May 2000 15:11:04 -0500
From: Richard Farrugia <rfarrugia@XXXXXX.com>
Canadians are sneaking into the country for domination of the USA beware, hide your children. They soon will all be speaking different and saying 'A' a lot. This is the first sign. Remember Canadian Bacon!!
What a bunch of shite that movie was. I'd like to point out that particular film was made by a bunch of Canucks and has some seriously pro-anti-Canadian overtones. Just a word to the wise, eh?
The most impossible to pronounce named person caught a particularly embarassing typo on my site and called me on it, but not in a particularly pleasant manner:
Subject: CANADA
Date: Wed, 24 May 2000 11:06:31 GMT
From: "Cheron naaktgeboren" <zwart_kraaien@xxxxxxx.com>
Dear Bill
I found your internet sight, interesting to say the least. Being Canadian I love my country and it amuses me on how much time you have put into this web site. I just wanted to correct you on our population statistic, there are approximately 28 million Canadians not 18.
Not even knowing Canada's population makes me question your knowledge on the country itself.
Unlike you, I respect your country and I would rather promote peace then war any day.
take care
Cheron LeSage
P.S> If you are going to complain about Canadians you should have some of
your facts straight....
It is politically incorrect to say *indian*, they are called Native
Americans. I think you should respect that considering that they have been living on this continent thousands of years before any other colonies arrived.
vive les Habitants.
Hey lady, er, dude...whatever--I respect my country just fine--it's yours I can't stand. Anyway, I couldn't let THAT stand...
Subject: Re: CANADA
Date: Wed, 24 May 2000 08:02:42 -0700
To: Cheron naaktgeboren <zwart_kraaien@xxxxxxxx.com>
Cheron naaktgeboren wrote:
> Dear Bill
> I found your internet sight, interesting to say the least. Being
> Canadian I love my country and it amuses me on how much time you have put
> into this web site. I just wanted to correct you on our population
> statistic, there are approximately 28 million Canadians not 18.
> Not even knowing Canada's population makes me question your knowledge
> on the country itself.
Yeah, Cheron--not like you'd ever made any typos in your life. Like forgetting to capitalize your last name or anything. And actually, in either case we're _both_ wrong: the number is up to 30 million.
> Unlike you, I respect your country and I would rather promote peace
> then war any day.
All the better for that day when we roll tanks.
> P.S> If you are going to complain about Canadians you should have some of
> your facts straight....
>
> It is politically incorrect to say *indian*, they are called Native
> Americans. I think you should respect that considering that they have been
> living on this continent thousands of years before any other colonies
> arrived.
In regards to getting your facts straight: the only place _I_ use the term "Indian" is in the sense of the "French and Indian Wars", which is the given title. Nobody ever got around to renaming them, nor the NAACP for that matter. If you'll go back and look, you'll see that it is your fellow countrymen who use that term.
As for being politically correct, you should be able to tell by that site that I obviously care a great deal.
CB
Actually, in looking at it now, I realized that Cheron is just as bad as I am: It's site, not "sight". A place you go to versus a place you see.
Johnny Timar ("hi-yoooo") couldn't leave well enough alone and sent more mail:
Subject: hahahahaha
Date: Thu, 1 Jun 2000 02:03:15 -0700
From: "Jonathan Timar" <jonathantimar@xxxxxxxxx.net>
God, this is funny. My emails are up on your site, and you went to my stupid webpage. Oh my goodness. That shitty little webpage. There ain't nothing on it, it's a glorious waste of time, 360k of self indulgence.
Yep, I am a canuck. And I can laugh at myself. And no, I don't like Netscape.
Keep up the good work, It's damn funny.
(If I was a Maritimer I would have said "some funny")
BTW, only maritimers say "aboot" I live in BC, and I say "abowt" short "o".
Oh, and I did check out your little link http://www.m-w.com/netdict.htm]
What's it for? My words check out fine.
Here's a interestin tid-bit:
Actual radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations,
10-10-95.
======================================================================
#1: American Battleship
#2: Canadian Post
#1: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid
a collision.
#2: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid
a collision.
#1: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert
YOUR course.
#2: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
#1: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP
OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!
#2: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
=======================================================================================================
And about this Poutine, don't knock it till'ya tried it, yeah it's a frenchie food, but you can get it here in BC at A&W.
First, Jon, you need to spend less time emailing me and more time making your site more cross-platform capable. There are plenty of folks out there who can't use IE. Like the several million Mac users in the world. Oh, and Linux and WebTV. Yeah. Secondly, the Enterprise is an aircraft carrier, not a battleship. Pick one or the other and don't believe the hype. Thirdly, I'd never step foot in an A&W of the Canadian variety after they shitcanned Drew Carrey for his inclusion of McDonalds in a "Drew Carey Show" episode. Besides, I'd rather eat at Nando's anywho.
Every so often I manage to dislodge those who I was actually trying to shake loose originally, like this poor soul:
Subject: the site rocks.
Date: Thu, 15 Jun 2000 05:20:07 EDT
From: MistaBrainsicK@xxx.com
Yo, that NO! Canada page kicks.
I'm working on a page about kicking out the idiots in the US (or "fixing them right), and I'm gonna do one ranting about Canadian idiots as well. My website's www.demented.uni.cc It's just a bunch of stuff I made up. No actual facts, just lies and conspiracies, sort of. I'll put them on (anti idiots & anti-"canadia") there when I'm done. Anyway, the page seriously tells it like it is. It crax me up. I'll put a link to yours somewhere on my site (probably the anti-canadia one) later.
-Lata, Mista Brainsick
Subject:
Date: Mon, 19 Jun 2000 01:45:55 -0600
From: "jpage" <jpage@xxxxxxxxx.net>
Wow, that link that list all the Canadien agents is impressive. I had no idea there that many famous people from Canada. They have took over the entertainment indusrty. Very, very impressive for such a small nation, we should be jelous.
Shh! Be quiet! Don't you remember how much trouble Marlon Brando got in for talking like this?
I can't believe someone was looking to straight rip-off my images. Really though, I shouldn't be suprised that this was coming from a Canadian.
Subject: No Canada
Date: Tue, 20 Jun 2000 07:16:45 PDT
From: "Stacy Smith" <desdamona@xxxxxxx.com>
Hey there...
I stumbled across your webpage while looking for a maple leaf gif. I am Canadian and have enough of a sense of humour to think that your site is hilarious. The people who think you are being sincere obviously haven't gotten out much. I live in NYC now, and appreciate all things Canadian more so than when I lived in Ontario. I find your site very this hour has 22 minutes-ish.
Keep up the good work!
Stacy
How dare she quote TV shows I've never even heard of?
Dear Stacy:I hope that by now you realize that in this country we don't leach off of Canadian TV very much--I think the balance of TV trade flows the other way. Therefore, the "This Hour Has 22 Minutes" reference is lost on me. I did find their website, however, but was not complelled to spend the C$150 for a single tape. US$2.75 is just too much for Canadian "humor".
Holy crap! Shouldn't Alison be reporting on the news? Actually, I knew a Canadian Alison and she was nuts. Hmm--what's the chances?
Subject: Down With Us
Date: Thu, 29 Jun 2000 11:07:23 -0400 (EDT)
From: "ALISON SCOTT, BLOOMBERG/ NEWSROOM:
Mr CB - Votre website est superbe! I may be a little slow off the mark in
discov ering it just now, but I am stuck in England and Canada-Bashing isn't so popular here. We definitely need a good chastising and to be reminded of our place in th e world from time to time... so keep up the good work!
Regards,
A. Scott
Mmmmm. Right. Subservient. I like that in a Canadian. And just 'cause I need the extra "pig" points: especially Canadian women.
About eight months ago I got an email from the following guy. The "proud to be a Canadian" bit tipped me off, though his original email was, for some odd reason, in French.
Subject: No!Canada
Date: Thu, 29 Jun 2000 13:53:27 EDT
From: "Eric D'Aoust" <ericda76@XXXXXXX.com>
Sir
Madam
What is said in this extremely ignorant site is very insulting to the Canadian people. It doesn't take someone intellignet to put up a site on the internet that promotes Agaisnt Canada. If you were intelligent enough you wouldn't put sites that absured on the Internet.
Sincerely,
Eric J.C. D'Aoust
Proud to be a Canadian
Why is it so many Canadians who email me have Hotmail addresses? The best part is that while I am not intelligent enough to refrain from posting endless pages of such nonsense, Mr D'Aoust apparently is not intelligent enough not to post the same message twice. D'oh!
Eric. I thank you for taking the time to write this letter in _English_ this time, as perhaps you've realized that we don't speak French down here. Spanish, perhaps--French never. I'm glad to see that posting email on the Internet does not require an intelligent person either.
Regards,
CB