Date: Tue, 4 Jul 2000 20:58:44 -0400
From: Xxxxxxxx Xxxxxxx <bshel@xxxx.com>


Your not very bright.

"Canada has no discernible cuisine or culinary specialty of its own." Its obvious you have never been to many places in Canada. Especially Quebec. We have whole menus full of original recipes.
"Ontario, in a shocking smack in the face of morality, recently declared
it legal for women to walk around topless. " You say all your facts are checked, they are checked wrong. This is only in the city of Toronto. And I've never seen anyone topless even though it is legal.

"Nearly 1/6th of Canada's GDP is the result of exporting to the US. Only
2% of the US GDP is the result of exports to Canada." What is supposed to prove? Everyone knows that to be a successful civilizations you have to open commerce with other countries. We export to every country and import from every country.

"During the Vietnam era, thousands of draft-dodgers escaped up to Canada,
where they remain"
And?

"The drinking age in Canada is 18, inspiring our teens to pour across the
border, get loaded up, then crash into schoolbusses soon after crossing
back. "
Its 19 in Ontario, 18 in Quebec. And its not our fault you cant raise your kids right that they have to get tanked as soon as they can. In my family we are given a little bit of alcohol at a young age and when we are in our teens they openly offer them drinks (to an extent) and by the time they are 18 its nothing special.

"It is a fact known around the world that the FC only speak French to
piss off the English speaking majority. "
Haha what kind of fact is that? The French Canadians are just of different culture. There is no hatred towards the French form the English. Its just that the French are scared that the English culture and language will take over Quebec. But they would like to keep it French for historical and heritage reasons.

Ok not lets get to the aboots. I have NEVER heard anyone pronounce it ABOOT. There are some who say that in the north east or in the plains. but that about it. And you cant make fun of their accents since about 65% of Canadians have no accent whatsoever and the rest of it is like 3-4 different accents. On the other hand in the US of A you have a different accent for each state. Some much more horrible then any Canadian accent
(I am thinking of the southern states).

The Average American doesn't knows little to nothing about Canada or another country or even its own country! As for most other countries (including Canada) know a great deal about most major countries and cultures. All Americans care about is America. And that's clearly not what the world needs: selfish patriots. Its cool to be proud of your country but to care about only it is just idiotic.

I've been travelling the world my whole life, and I can tell you that everywhere overseas people treat me like dirt until I tell them me and my friends/family are Canadian, that's when they take me into their home or give me advice on goods things to say or simply just smile and be polite (especially in Holland).

In conclusion, don't try to respond with your idiotic smart ass answers. You cant prove me wrong because I know. I am Canadian.


Xxx Xxxxxxxx

Dear Ben: I'm glad you know that you know you are a Canadian.

N!C

Date: Wed, 12 Jul 2000 22:43:02 PDT
From: Bug Jones <almighty_bug@xxxxxxx.com>
Subject: your webpage

i'd like to tell you I love your website. It's hilarious. A quick question - why is it Americans are so intent on starting war with everyone? Is peace not a word in your dictionary? Or is it just too hard to spell? If you're trying to get rid of the 'American asshole' image I wouldn't suggest doing it by saying you should encourage a war. And also, if Canada is exporting so much into the US, if we stopped doing that, or only did it at a rate of 2%, wouldn't your need for natural resources send you begging on your knees to the border? And maybe if you learned to play fair you wouldn't be so offended by us asking you to share fish? Or is that a threat to your 'superiority'? Ha! Didn't your mother ever teach you size matters? Or was she trying to save you embarassment? Why is it that you never learned to share your space, instead you had to take over someone elses? Even going back to the Oregon territory. Learn to take a joke too. We didn't care so much about 'Blame Canada', deal with Joe Canadian. Live peacefully. If that's not to much to ask.

Date: Sat, 22 Jul 2000 20:40:34 -0400
From: C. Elston <celston@xxxx.com>
Subject: Canada

Dear sir,
in my vast canadian politeness, i have decided to inform you that Canada is just a much improved nation that your beloved us of a, first of all, we were here first, so there, you retarded hillbilly, second, we have less crime, less people, laws against marrying our cousins (joke), and we realize were not the only IMPORTANT country in the world. Ok, so let's analyze this, when is the last time our 2 countries fought? the war of 1812 buddy, and who one, well, don't need to get to far into that one, we'll just leave it at, we whupped ya. who entered wwI and II first, oh wait, we did. Ok, so now on to entertainment, the highest grossing movie of of all time, titanic, it's director, canadian. Your favorite actors, mike myers (canadian), pamela anderson (canuck), keanu reeves (hell ya), david duchovny (fuck yes), trust me i could go on, the fact is, a country with hundreds of millions less people can succeed in american fields better than you guys can. any more issues, we can play football with only 3 downs, we have the world's largest free standing strutcture, our pilots are better skilled, our health care remains free, and the death penalty remains outlawed, so fuck your dollar, your pride, and your white house (which happens to be white because we burned it down).

>we realize were not the only IMPORTANT country in the world.

C--

I'm glad you realize that Canada is unimportant.

    --CB

Date: Wed, 26 Jul 2000 01:23:32 -0400
From: john ------- <johnz@xxxxxxx.net>
Subject: You guys have the right idea!


Have you put thought into what we should do with the canadians who resist the assimilation? We have.... Get back to us with your thoughts....
We are staunch supporters of the anti-canadian movement...

Date: Fri, 28 Jul 2000 10:21:08 -0600
From: Tracy ----- <tracysfam@xxxxxxx.com>
Subject: War of 1812



If there is only one thing the world can agree upon is that americans are the biggest assholes on the planet. It's no wonder you need so much military might.

Date: Fri, 04 Aug 2000 19:30:55 EDT
From: Anthony Scalia <scatz84@xxxxxxx.com>
Subject: FUCK THE U.S.A

Visiting your web page made me realize that americans really have no lives. If you can't stand us Canadians then why devote your miserable two dollar life to making a page about us. You're sad man. While us Canadians are fucking your Californian woman, sipping on a nice Molson, watching the habs take home yet another stanley cup, pissing on the bald eagle and wiping our asses with your fucking flag, Billy Bob is buisy humping his cousin in the back of his trailer somewhere in nashville tennesse, yee haa. You can say what ever you want man but I'll never trade my nationality for yours. Fuck You All U.S.A

The True Blue Canuck.

Date: Thu, 03 Aug 2000 22:27:22 -0700
From: Bob------- <bob-------@xxxxx.com>
Subject: Canucks on the offensive...

I didn't even know Canada had a Navy.

http://www.go2net.com/headlines/international/20000803/219373.html
"If you can't be happy naturally, force it."-- Too Much Coffee Man

Date: Thu, 17 Aug 2000 19:57:55 -0400
From: Andrej ------- <a-------@xxxxxxxx.qc.ca>
Subject: you are a typical low-life american LOSER

You have a brain made of jello, and you think 2 times 2 is 5 and you insult canada because you have nothing else to do in your small-town wich is full of xenophobic feelings. You said our shit didn't stink but yankee shit smells a hell lot worse than canadian shit and you are proba- bly so obese that when you eat a family meal of chicken at KFK's the seat is bent down like 5 degrees and you can steal candy in a 7-11 because you are so fat and you can put the candy in your love-handles. I am not worried about an american invasion of Canada yankees are so stupid they'll go attack texas instead. most red-necks say america is god's country, but i think god would'nt live there because he'd look around and say:what a dump.

In any case man, your country is the perfect place for losers, low-lifes and no-brainers. god bless america... nobody else will!

Date: Sun, 20 Aug 2000 03:38:33 +0100 (BST)
From: coulls@xxxxxxx.net
Subject: Thanks


I would just like to say thanks for making us English laugh so much with your "satirical" look at Canada. I printed off the page and took it down the pub to show people and we just howled. This was just as funny as when an American once tried to convince us that the US didn't see itself as the self-appointed World Police.

Especially funny points were:

>>For years, Canadians have been flooding our currency exchange with their own currency which looks very similar to ours but is worth considerably less. <<
Yep, that's true for the time that the Loonie has been of less value, but then before that the Canadians were probably saying the same thing about your currency like England has done for the past 50 years.

>>Canadians battled with the US from the get-go during the French & Indian Wars, starting in 1755.<<
And who got the bigger slice of the pie? <G> (Bet you didn't know that Canadian life expectancy rates are far higher than the US as a result of this?). Also, did you know that the Canadian Army is the only army to ever win the Nobel Peace prize for "peace-keeping"? I reckon it would take a few more centuries for US armed forces to evolve to the same state.

>>Ontario, in a shocking smack in the face of morality, recently declared it legal for women to walk around topless. <<
How does showing someones tits equate to being immoral! (Bet you won't see an Ontarian gal with tan lines!) Immoral would be something like cops shooting an innocent guy in New York with 41 bullets and letting them free afterwards (America even managed to disgust the hardiest euro countries with that one!).

>>Canada has no discernible cuisine or culinary specialty of its own. <<
Even us English have heard of Poutine! (That would be like us saying that America has no notable Aircraft manufacturers!).

>>Canada has attempted to undermine the one US sport that they do not currently have a team, football, with their backwards "Canadian Football League". <<
This was hilarious. There's football which is the world's top sport and then there's derivatives thereof. (Australian, Canadian & American). This is like saying the World Series Baseball competition actually was a "world series" (It's just another American bloated title) when really it's just an American title.

>>Canada has long had a history as a drug importation funnel to the United States. <<
Yes, that's called trade. Canada imports it, and the US buys it on the black market.

>>England peaceably split with Canada, and Canada still views the English monarchy as their head of state.<<
This was another funny one. They are there own country, with there own government, but they are still part of the Commonwealth, along with many other countries. If the US decided to invade Canada, it would be taking on much more than it reckoned. Besides, it also allows them to compete in the Commonwealth games, which the US can't (Notice we don't call it a "World Game"? <G>)

>>The US has had several noted disputes with England and the English monarchy.<<
The US has had several noted disputes with everyone. The only reason they are usually noted is because of the US mentality of using ammunition in substitution of words (Bay of pigs, Grenada, Haiti, Vietnam, etc, etc, etc).

>>Canada's unemployment rate was nearly twice that of the US's in 1996. The number of illegally employed Canadians in this country is unknown.<<
That's because they report figures on how much NI is redistributed - Something the US would never allow.

>>Nearly 1/6th of Canada's GDP is the result of exporting to the US. Only 2% of the US GDP is the result of exports to Canada. <<
So you like Canadian goods better than your own?

>>During the Vietnam era, thousands of draft-dodgers escaped up to Canada, where they remain.<<
What? No! Not traitor Americans?! <G>

>>The drinking age in Canada is 18, inspiring our teens to pour across the border, get loaded up, then crash into schoolbusses soon after crossing back. <<
Here's a serious question: Why do so many American kids drink and drive? Don't they understand the consequences?

>>There is something of an ethnic conflict in Canada between the French and English speakers. Similar conflicts worldwide erupt in horrible bloodshed. <<
Correction: There is a conflict between the Quebecois population and everyone. Even France wants nothing to do with them, the same as Canadian's don't (Remember Canada has offered many referendums telling the Quebecois people that they can break away anytime they feel like it!)

>>Canadians, when presented with the above evidence, usually scoff and declare Americans to be "paranoid", or "bigoted". They also declare that their own shit does not stink.<<
I think if Bush came to Cambridge or Oxford for the same thing the English would do the same. Feeling paranoid yet? <G>

Cheers,

J and his pub team.
London. England.

Date: Sun, 3 Sep 2000 12:13:05 -0700
From: Jonathan ----- <jonathantimar@xxxxxxxxxx.net>
Subject: I must say



I am disapointed!

I was really looking forward to a witty reply to my last email.

I didn't even crack a smile.

Surely you can do better than that?

Date: Tue, 05 Sep 2000 14:00:26 GMT
From: Travis --------- <teevrocks@xxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Hi, I finally get back to writing!

My apologies for "hiding out at a freemail join". I move every 4 months or so, you know "following the caribou on my dogsled". Actually I took your advice for another Saskatchewanite and move to Ontario. Pretty much the same here though. After reading over your response to my letter I realized a few things; 1)your email address is very ironic. VeeCee -> VC -> Viet Cong,...didn't they kick your guys' ass?
2)running is spelled "reunning" in the US
3)Geocities email is a "freemail joint"...so why don't you have an ISP?
4)You act tough but in Kosovo, the Americans wouldn't take part in a ground
assualt because they were scared. Fly like little birdies though...
5)WWII. Although your help was apreciated, if it wasn't for Rosevelt (spelled wrong, sorry), a man I admire, the US would still be sitting on its ass preaching isolationism. The majority of Americans at that point were still weeping about WWI. Cry baby cry...
6)We haven't entirely polluted our environment, acid rain is not that big of a problem here!

By the way, I'm also kind of pissed off about how that Yank TV show "Ed" stole our "rant". Come on, get original!

Patriotic, proud, free

Travis -------

PS - The moose was alot better than your wife ;)

Mr Goodyear: > 1)your email address is very ironic. VeeCee -> VC -> Viet Cong,...didn't
> they kick your guys' ass?

Hahaha. That's funny. You know Travis -> Travis AFB -> Big airbase where they load up troops -> invasion is coming. Hahaha.

> 2)running is spelled "reunning" in the US

Um. Okay.

> 3)Geocities email is a "freemail joint"...so why don't you have an ISP?

Hey--crack monkey. See the links there that point to a -real- ISP? On every page? Yeah. Okay. Right. > 4)You act tough but in Kosovo, the Americans wouldn't take part in a ground
> assualt because they were scared. Fly like little birdies though...
I'm glad you're such a statistician, Travis. You're right--we should have totally lined our guys up to be shot rather than doing it by remote control. To prove how right you are, tell you what. Get off your ass and change the channel at the set. And make sure you get rid of your cordless phone. We're American and all about convenience. > 5)WWII. Although your help was apreciated, if it wasn't for Rosevelt
> (spelled wrong, sorry), a man I admire, the US would still be sitting on its
> ass preaching isolationism. The majority of Americans at that point were
> still weeping about WWI. Cry baby cry...

I'm not entirely sure how this is germaine, considering Roosevelt was an _AMERICAN_. PS--backspace. It's your friend.

> 6)We haven't entirely polluted our environment, acid rain is not that big of
> a problem here!

Yeah, 'cause it flows -south-. See ya in New York!

   N!C

Date: Fri, 15 Sep 2000 17:06:16 -0700
From: Curt <c------@xxxx.com>
Subject: great site



Liked your site. Im a "Canadian" and I found your site funny as hell. Keep up the great work you "bigot". Ha, just had to say that since thats what everyone else seems to call you.
Cg

Date: Wed, 20 Sep 2000 14:29:16 GMT
From: Alicia ------ <alicia_matyas@xxxxxxx.com>
Subject: A Few Pointers.

Dear Charlie,

I have recently read your webpage, and all I saw was the work of some high-school student who would basically fail English Class. Your page is of no political significance, it's just a place for American teens with, once again, poor english skills, to nod at your misinformed facts and respresentation of Canada. Here are a few, well actually ALOT of things wrong with your webpage:

1. Canadians do not say "aboot" and our accents are actually different than yours, aswell as vocabulary and spelling.
2. The French and English Canadians do not hate each other, we are actually tied through blood, and inter-breeding. And by the way almost a quarter of Americans have Canadian ancestors who were shipped to the southern U.S. from Acadia, by the British Government, you might be part Canadian!
3. Canada does have it's own cuisine, EX:) Poutine, Tortière, numerous Canadian Lobster recipes, aswell as candies and baking recipes, if you'd like a list I'd be happy to enlighten you. Our diet is in fact better than the American diet, there are more obese Americans per capita than Canadians. Now that's food for thought.
4. England never "split with Canada," we are still a member of the
Commonwealth, and just last week the queen requested the R.C.M.P. to take over the duties of guarding the palace.
5. The problem with American teens getting pissed here is largely due to the fact that American parents allow their kids to do these things, then later they destroy OUR property, and kill even some. Hmmm....where are the American parents? we know how to drink responsibly.
6. You cannot move the magnetic north.
7. Did you know that Canada takes better care of the environment than the US?
8. That whole "Martian" article was a gag by a comedian in Newfoundland, Canadians know that, but obviously you don't.
9. Candians are well-liked by the world while Americans are hated, because they tend to be rude, filthy, fat, and basically trash.
10. Did you know that we KILLED American forces who tried to invade? aswell as burn down a wing of your prescious white house? you had to paint it white to hide the singe marks! funny EH?
11. HONOUR, NEIGHBOUR, HARBOUR, COLOUR, ah yes and the ISE endings as in REALISE?

By the way your work of SATIRE isn't funny, my cousin from Australia didn't
even laugh so it isn't just Canadians.

Regards,
Alicia

Date: Fri, 22 Sep 2000 13:11:06 -0700 (PDT)
From: Angela ------ <angela_tenshi@xxxxx.com>
Subject: No! Canada

Hey I understand that your site is purely satire... in fact I found it rather amusing my self. I'm canadian by the way and so I though that I could umm well make a few correction to your disturbing facts page....

(you said)
Ontario, in a shocking smack in the face of morality, recently declared it legal for woman to walk around topless.

(My response)
Were would you rather live:
The states-the right to bar arms
Canada- the right to bare breasts

I think I've proven my point.

Also
(you said) Canada has no discernible cuisine or culinary specialty of its own

(my response)

not true...Canada has Poutine, Maple Syrup


(you said)
The Drinking age in Canada is 18

(my response)
Actually the drinking age in Canada is 19 with the
exception of:
Alberta, Manitoba and Quebec thats 3 out of 10


oh by the way here are some sites you should check out..
The Canadian World Domination Page
www.standonguard.com
and the American's Guild to Canada
http://www.icomm.ca/emily/

=====
"Canada. The World Next Door"
- Tourism Canada
"A Canadian is somebody who knows how to make love in a canoe."
- Pierre Berton (1973)

Date: Wed, 27 Sep 2000 10:52:40 -0600
From: Evan --------- <ruby_weapon@xxxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Umm... yeah....

Seriously, buddy...

What is so disturbing about Canada? We are an entirely different people than you and your stupid-ass website says that you are a typical ignorant American. We do not need to be monitored; what's to monitor? We are your basic huge country with 30 million people. And your so-called 'Canadian Problem' doesn't make sense... do you think we have plans to bomb the states or something? First of all, 81% of our trade is with the states, so we wouldn't do something that would hurt our economy that drastically. And second, your plan to stop the 'Canadian Problem' makes no sense. 20% of your trade comes from us, and the Commonwealth would back us up if you did in fact attack us. I know your website is nothing but some guy having tons of spare time on his hands, but seriously, you have to look at the facts before you go posting conspiracy theories on the internet. :P
---
Sincerely,
Evan Springler, Online nick: Ruby Weapon

Date: Fri, 29 Sep 2000 09:48:13 -0600
From: Evan --------- <ruby_weapon@xxxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Who's crazy?

Of course Canada has crazy people, you idiot! That does't mean that every Canadian is. What about your stupid laws! Several of which are:

-In some states, carrying a nail file is chargable as 'carrying a concealed weapon'
-In one state, it's an actual law that citizens cannot walk backwards while carrying an ice cream cone on Sundays.

And here's the craziest thing I've ever heard from the US:

-The jury of the case of the people vs. O.J. Simpson find him not guilty of murder.

Wow. Real smart.. despite all the DNA Evidence!!

and what about how some Americans can't get to sleep at night cause they think Aliens are watching them..

I'm not saying all Americans are crazy, but you, the webmaster of No Canada!, a site which shows nothing but pure ignorance, are crazy!
---
Sincerely,
Evan Springler, Online nick: Ruby Weapon

Date: Fri, 13 Oct 2000 02:49:40 -0400
From: Norm and Karen <nrjamont@xxxx.com>
Subject: Thanks for the Site



Stumbled upon your site while trying to find an old Anti-Canada site I used to visit years ago. Your site if much easier to read and navigate. You've done a great job with it. What never fails to amaze me is that anyone out there (Canadian, American, other nationalities) would take this sort of thing seriously for even a second. Great humour, nice set up, and as an earlier Canadian wrote, it is reminiscent of 'This Hour Has 22 Minutes' satire. I'm so impressed, I can't help but wonder, do you have Canadian blood anywhere in your family tree? It is quite rare to find an American with such a well deveolped, articulate sense of humour. Keep up the good work, we need all the laughs we can get.

Cheers,
Cherelynn Jamont

Date: Wed, 18 Oct 2000 11:44:31 -0300
From: "x2000ldm@stfx.ca" <x2000ldm@xxxx.ca>
Subject: hey neighbour

Just a friendly note to remind you that while you compare America to Superman and Canada to Bizzaro that Superman was actually a Canadian creation ot he 1930's....the creator was however working in New York.

ps
Stay as you are.

With admiration of
Mythic America

SUE S
MAGREN