That being said, yes, I did have my hand on Little Jen's ass. Now, here's the setup:

Jen's been drinking. A lot. We decide that Jen needs to go for a walk to be able to properly absorb the alcohol into her bloodstream. The "drunken stumble" is invoked, with the hopes that this will get her to absorb some of her downage. Along the way, Jen decides that she wants to sit down. This is all right, except she's being kinda loud. I, being sober as a Mormon judge at the time, quickly tired of her antics. As a result, I decided to pick her up and carry her back to the house. Her petite frame was thrown over my shoulder like the proverbial sack of flour.

Now the human frame has about three major pivot points along what we might well term the x-y axis; these being the knees, the neck, and the waist. So, my human sack of flour was bent at the point at which to best evenly distribute her weight, namely, at her waist.

As anyone who has ever tried to carry a large sack before knows, you have to put a hand out to stabilize the load, to avoid it pitching forward along the x-y axis again, or yawing across the shoulder along a "z" axis. I'm sure if I had access to a digital camera, this would all be much simpler. Anyways, you can picture how this all is laid out.

As a result of the way I'm carrying her, my hand rests solidly on Lil' Jen's butt. Now, given that she was drunk, and given the position I was in, I could have easily caressed, fondled, groped, goosed, or otherwise manhandled her tush. Did I? Of course not. Y'all know Charlie Bill far better than that.

Well, okay, so maybe I noticed that she was kinda athletic. But not on purpose, dammit!