STORIES: The "Stick-it-in-my-butt" Incident

THE STICK-IT-IN-MY-BUTT INCIDENT So we had this party. It was, in fact, the first official House of the Rising Sun Party, and we had kicked out all the jams: we had a keg, and a bunch of hooch, and a big-ass bag of chips for all hands. The Chicoites had come down, all of our dorm homies were there: we partied until we could not party any more.

At the time, I had still not bought a bed and was sleeping on a thin camping mattress on the floor. Needless to say, this did not provide for the best night's sleep. Early the next morning, after about three hours of sleep and with a vicious hangover, the sounds of ardent lovemaking filtered in through my open window. Being the last dog days of summer, most apartments had their windows open, and the couple across the way was no exception. I lay there and tried to pretend that I did not hear the screams of ecstasy coming from across the way.

These people were insatiable: they had been keeping me awake for at least 15 minutes with the commotion, and had probably been going for at least as long beforehand. And we're not talking about building up to a crescendo either--they were well past it at this point. I was almost back to a state of sleep when I heard, at the top of the woman's voice:

"STICK IT IN MY BUTT!" This was the last straw. I got up, staggered outside to have some Tang(tm) and a very bitter cigarette. Even though I was now on the other side of the building, I could still hear them going at it for another half hour or so, during which time the rest of the House came to, also awakened by the commotion. When we found out it was our manager making such a ruckus, we never could look him in the eye again.