--The HRS Commandments
Well, now that over five years have gone by since this has happened, and most of the interested parties have let it slide, I can finally tell one of The House's most controversial stories ever. It starts out in Davis, at Geoff's house. School is out, whether it was spring or summertime, I can't really remember. As such, most of the guests had come in from out of town. The drinking was going smoothly and we're all getting fairly toasted, as was the routine of the time. Late in the party, one of the guests decides that Geoff's bed looks like a good place for her to crash. She passes out, never to be seen again. This thwarts the plans of one of our fellow dorm-dwellers, who was in an Evil Dick state at the time. This simple act, which no one gave a second thought to at the time, would have dire consequences. The party continues on until the wee small hours of the morning, whereupon the party ended up passing out en masse in the living room.Well, the next morning comes, and we awaken in a disheveled state. to discover that our bed stealing partier has SHIT IN THE BED! Interestingly enough, she has left early, before the rest of us have gotten up. Also, interestingly, she was apparently found in the nude in a state of excrementa that same evening by our evil friend, yet he said nothing at the time, which was probably for the best. (Even better would be the fact that despite her befouled state, she managed to drive back with the friend who brought her without stinking the car up. Her shit really didn't stink, I suppose).
So, now, the question comes up: how to deal with the caca? Our evil friend came through in the pinch (no pun intended) and managed to save us from the loathsome task. This is probably for the best, as he was the least hung-over. I'm not sure if the rest of us would have been able to keep our stomachs calm enough. The very thought of the situation was enough to turn them at that hour. Not knowing entirely what to do with the doo, and being in no condition to trek across the complex to the dumpster, we left the paper sack with the evidence behind on the sidewalk to deal with when we returned from breakfast.
The best part of the story, apart from the poop on the bed in the first place, was that when we returned, the paper sack had disappeared. We wondered what the person who found it thought they were going to find when they opened the sack, and could only imagine their horror. Someone had stolen our poopoo, thinking it was something worthwhile, but the horror, the horror.
Yes, Victoria, everyone's name has been omitted intentionally
